hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
