well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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