nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
