Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
