Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
