I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
