she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
