i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You ruined the universe
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
