eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
