I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
People in love make me want to vomit
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
