Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
