Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
