and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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