YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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