So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
