I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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