party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
