Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
