Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
