this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
