Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
