he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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