somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize