remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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