Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
