It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
