If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
