Nicole vs. Life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
