ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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