Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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