I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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