I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
