I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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