Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
