So drunk, too bad you don't want this
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
