Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
