Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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