I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
