He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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