wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
