I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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