On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
