Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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