i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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