I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize