So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
