Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
