quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
