I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
