it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
