I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
