the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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