i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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