so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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