I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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