she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All I want is dick and wine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
