it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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