I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
