He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
