why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
