Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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