WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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