someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
