i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
