she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
