omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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