Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
