i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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