Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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