Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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