i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
