I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
