Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
