So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
