I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
