i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
