The maid of honor just puked.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
