Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
